Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Excavation Continues

I’m like an archaeologist who specializes in a brief period of time. I specialize in “wallpaper history deconstruction.” Basically I look at each layer of wall paper I remove and hypothesize over who would put up this particular pattern, first I determine whether the paper had any religious significance. Then if there is no religious significance I hypothesize over the type of person who would willingly put up such ugly wallpaper. Perhaps the person who chose this wallpaper was the one who fell in love with my Formica bathroom cabinet. I name the people that put up the wallpaper. Sometimes they get more than one name; especially the group that wallpapered directly on drywall!

It's exciting to discover how many layers of wallpaper are on my wall. It’s just like unwrapping a present from your special uncle Frank that you know you will need to displace in a place of prominence for at least 2 years. So far I have discovered that on at least three of the walls in my office there were two layers of wallpaper and a special wall paper that you are not suppose to remove because it doesn’t come off. Unfortunately, I tried. And now I have a few “textured” spots on my wall. I took care of it by nearly asphyxiating myself when I painted a special primer on the wall that bonds with paper, then puttying the wall and sanding it with an electric sander. Yeah, I’m pretty handy, but it still looks like crap. When I found that same paper on three of the walls in my bedroom based on my expert opinion as a wallpaper history deconstructionist I knew that the peoples who occupied this house during a previous period of time had a pretty serious secret they wanted to keep hidden. And because I respected them I didn’t try to remove that paper. I went native and left the layers unexcavated.

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