Monday, April 25, 2011

The value of learning a Second Language

Well, at least then I’d have some idea what Will was prompting me to say.  I think it was in Spanish … but I’m not sure because I don’t speak it!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Teaching my children the value of work

Is really hard because they may not know how to work, however, their mouths still function and are capable of issuing complaints.  Their brains still work and are capable of conspiring together to create work stoppages.  I tried to explain to the children they do not belong to a union and that their membership in my little slave community is what I like to call “forced” to work.  Unfortunately, they outnumber me, have pouting skills and are really suborn.

I love this – they cost me a lot of money and I don’t even get the equivalent in forced labor from them.  Perhaps I should have thought this through earlier before I had so many.  Oh well, too late now.  I shall in the future revenge myself on them by feeding their children energy drinks and sending them home late at night.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Oh, I forgot to mention that Bri is now fifteen and much, much closer to driving

I now only need to figure out how soon she can take drivers ed. and how money this is going to cost me.  But I don’t care about the $ because the sooner she can drive herself to seminary in the morning the sooner I can sleep in past 5:40am.  I don’t get up sooner that that because I drive her in my pajamas because I can’t imagine anything happening at that hour which would require me to be dressed.

We went to Six Flags for Bri’s birthday.  (We’ll be going a lot this year because we bought season passes.  A lot being at least two more times.)  We spread out her birthday.  She had her birthday dinner the night before her birthday and her cake and ice cream the night after.  Trust me – there’s a perfectly logical and thoughtful reason for both.  I didn’t know what time we’d get back from Six Flags and didn’t want her dinner to be rushed.  And people (the weird ones who invited us for dinner even though they aren’t in our community)were coming over for dinner the day after her birthday and I didn’t need an extra dessert around begging to be eaten and/or directly applied to my butt.

Bri had Will blow out her candles because he loves birthdays and it was adorable!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Best. April. Vacation. Ever.

We were planning on going to D.C. again.  After all there are plenty of art museums I haven’t dragged my children to.  But we bought thtudnwmtb and my husband suggested we stay home and work on it instead.

He’s in South Carolina.

So, today I took Bri and Elizabeth to thtudnwmtb, handed each a shovel and asked them to scrape little pieces of dried drywall off the basement cement.  Bri felt a little awkward about it because two plumbers were in the basement putting in our boiler and it was just weird.  Elizabeth was just annoyed she couldn't help me paint.  I told her not to worry; there was plenty of painting to be done.

I’m paying them in Dunkin’ Donuts.

Bri’s poison:  Jelly Filled

Elizabeth’s:  White frosting with sprinkles

Most awesome part of the day from Elizabeth’s perspective:  Spying on the neighbor who was dumping his leaves in our yard.

Most awesome part of the day from my perspective:  Bringing the Dunkin’ Donuts’ card with 1 penny on it rather than the one with twenty bucks.  “Really you want me to pay more than that?”  Next question:  How long have I been hanging on to that card?  

And why?

Fly Away Home

Fly Away Trailer from Fly Away on Vimeo.

I've decided that if I'm ever in the same situation I'll say, "You may call Will a problem once I've legally changed his name."

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Chris the Plumber is Gaslighting me!

Well, either Chris the Plumber or thtudnwmtb.  I’m going with Chris the Plumber (because I can).  I ignored a phone call while at a parent meeting at Will’s school.  Thankfully, because it would have freaked me out!  And oh, it would have been delightful for his teachers to overhear.  And let’s not kid ourselves … I would have marched back into my meeting and told everyone about the message because that’s the kind of thing I do because I’m brilliant and occasionally lack a filter between my brain and mouth.

In the message Chris the Plumber said we bounced a check.  I was horrified and embarrassed!  You see I’d checked the balance.  A couple of weeks ago I asked my husband, “husband, do we have enough money in the bank account to write multiple, large checks for plastic surgery for thtudnwmtb?  I think she’s been down and deserves a little ‘pick me up.’”

Husband said, “Yes.”  See!  I checked the balance!

I called my husband because I expect him to be able to fix everything through the phone from New Jersey.  He didn’t answer.  So, I called the bank.  There was plenty of money.  We didn’t bounce a check.  I think Chris the Plumber is just playing with us.

You win this round, Chris the Plumber.  But remember it’s not just us you’re playing with … you’re also playing with thtudnwmtb and frankly, my money’s on her.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

How much money does it cost to buy an email address?

Because I’m seriously considering making an offer.  When I set up my email address I tried to use my full name (because I’m creative like that).  My name was taken.  So, I added a middle initial.


But I have no idea how often people leave off that pesky initial and my email is sent to another, luckier similarly named person.

People in the PAC, both PACs, have sent emails to someone who I assume doesn’t care about our fundraisers or activities and even Marcy sometimes does if her email pulls up wrong me’s address.  Suddenly the whole carrot soup fiasco makes sense!  I never got the recipe from Marcy … wrong me did.

Today I found out that wrong me also has been getting emails from Will’s home supervisor … for over a month.  This woman met me.  I’m surprised she thought I would just ignore Will’s programing.  I change his programing if I think something else is better.  I reject badly written programming.  I’ve been directing his home programing for seven years.  I “fired” his last supervisor because I asked for a new pinching program because extinction wasn’t working and the supervisor took over a month to write me a crappy extinction program.  Let me put it this way – Will was folding clothes and emptying silverware at 4 because I decided he was capable and his therapists wrote programs for anything I wanted him to do.

I am not the person who will ignore programing emails for over a month.  This supervisor is new, so perhaps she doesn’t know that.  And who knows?  Maybe wrong me has need of a pinching or conversation program.  

I sent wrong me an email today.  (I didn’t call her wrong me because I’m thoughtful like that.)  I said if she gets emails about autism, kids or carrot soup recipes; it’s probably for me and would she please forward them to right me.

I’m crossing my fingers.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Failure in Execution

Sometimes it doesn’t work out.  Sometimes being yesterday.  It being thtudnwmtb.  And no, you don’t get to say “I told you so!”  Sorry, maybe next time.  (However, if you come help me paint I will allow you to say “I told you so” and have it apply retroactively.)

I was painting thtudnwmtb.  I bought a sample can to try to match the gray in the kitchen. 

It didn’t. 

And I bought a “plastic roller for decorative finishes” to add a decorative painting finish.  

I didn’t.  (It might have worked for someone else who actually knows how to paint decoratively; but sadly, I do not.)

(I blame my father – after all I grew up in the house where I could paint my room any shade of Arizona White I wanted.)

After looking at the now splotchy (but not in a good way) kitchen walls and myself now covered in paint specks from the “plastic roller for decorative finishes” (I may not have created an attractive splotchy finish but found out I am incredibly efficient at spreading flecks of paint around) I decided just to repaint the kitchen.

I have decided to auction off the plastic paint roller for decorative finishes for charity.  I’m torn between Someone Needs to Take Me Out For Dinner or the I Need A House Cleaner charities.  (I’m torn because they both just do so much good!)
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