Do you need a can opener with that?

Today I had to get a tooth pulled and having a gap in my mouth big enough to hide a small child makes me feel like a hillbilly. And because I can, I blame it on my dentist’s son who did my root cannel eighteen years ago. However, unfortunately a missing tooth does not magically cause an errand fairy to appear and do all the stuff I need to get done today. So, I stopped at Whole Foods to buy myself Calm, an herbal tea, that I suspect I will require today and some probiotics for Will. Then I went to Stop and Shop. However, nothing really looked good, quite possibly due to the nausea caused by the wad of bloody gauze in my mouth. But beans and canned vegetables were on sale so I put a lot of cans in my cart. Imagine my cart – 500 cans of beans and vegetables, two boxes of frozen waffles for Will, a bag of French fries, some cheese and crackers, granola bars and a couple of boxes of brownie mix. I looked like a homeless person.

Then my dad called me. “Hallooo,” I say. I’m trying to talk to him with a numb and swollen face and a mouthful of bloody gauze. However, I come to the surprising realization that I am not completely use to public humiliation. I still have a speck of pride that has not yet been excised out of me by my children and I get off the phone before the other customers, who think my slurred speech is due to drinking, call a manager. I slink out of the store fully expecting the store employees who naturally have mistaken me for a vagrant to say, “Excuse me, ma’am you know you can’t take the cart out of the parking lot.”

At this point I should have expected that CVS would not have my prescription ready but I’m an optimist. I waited at the drive up window my mind racing with the clock. Will I get home before Will’s bus? I did, but I was starving because I didn’t eat lunch before going to get my tooth pulled! I’m not really sure how that managed to happen because I always remember to eat. I looked in the fridge for a soft food. Why oh why, didn’t I buy something at the grocery store? Because it’s really hard to eat something with a half numb mouth and a cavern you’re trying to avoid! On a positive note, I’m lucky I didn’t eat my tongue because I probably wouldn’t have felt it.