President’s Day

The most appropriate President's Day I have spent thus far in my life occurred Monday February 18, 2013 at the JFK Presidential Library in Boston.  We listened to an Abraham Lincoln and Ulysses and Julia Grant reenactors.  

Boom – I am now way more patriotic that most people because 3 Presidents in one day!

Will sat through two films – one about JFK and one about the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Even considering that he spend most of the Missile Crisis film sitting on the floor I AM DELIGHTED!  Because it is amazing because he hates watching movies in a theatre.  (Maybe he is fine if it’s a documentary?)

Elizabeth bought a plastic imitation of a straw hat because she likes to waste money.

The saddest part of the day occurred when we drove to Waltham to go a Chinese Restaurant that closes on Monday, urggg.  So, we were forced to close out our President’s Day with a more appropriate late lunch of Mexican food.

Briyonce

Our realtor asked us if we were planning to watch the Superbowl.  I asked, “Is that today?”   My husband said, “I’m in marketing.  The commercials are what we watch.”  But apparently my family watched some of it because my husband started calling Bri Briyonce after she started mock dancing during halftime.

Raising Her Right

Elizabeth was playing around in my bedroom.  She had a plastic pirate sword in her hand.  “Mom,” she said, “I'd like to get better at sword fighting. When I get better can I get a sword for emergencies?  To use against zombies or orcs."

You will obviously want to hang with us during the zombie apocalypse.*

*Ok, well maybe not with Will because he and I will be eaten.  (I already told my husband that Will and I will leave the rest of the family to give them a better chance of survival.  He is after all as Eagle Scout with mad 1980s survival skills!)  But between Jacob who has thought a LOT about surviving a zombie apocalypse and Elizabeth’s plastic sword skills clearly they have a better than average chance of survival.  Unless they are World War Z zombies -- the ones from the movie not the book.  Because those zombies are fast!

The Official 2012 End Of Year Sum Up

Hello,

I liked 2012.  It treated us just fine.  2012 was full of kids, travel and spending two months painting the outside of our house green (possibly a little too green but I’m not going to repaint it!)

Travel: 

Costa Rica:  I was my husband's plus one for his “work” trip to Costa Rica and was able to check deep sea fishing and doing a zip line off my bucket list.

France and Spain:  We took Brianne, Jacob, and Elizabeth to Europe for two weeks because my fantastic nephew David flew out to watch William!  I thought about taking Will but decided that he would hate flying, waiting in lines, going to museums, walking and eating non-preferred foods; and forcing him to go would result in multiple sets of bloody arms.  So, David took Will to the beach, New York, 6 Flags while we were gone.

Surprisingly someone figured out we were tourists in Paris and picked my husband’s pocket but thanks to a man we caught him and he went to jail, and we got to ride in a speedy police car with sirens blaring through red lights.  This was actually Elizabeth’s favorite thing about Europe.  Our favorite city was Taragona Spain which had fantastic Roman ruins.  Unfortunately, we might have scared my children for life when we took them to a beach because I forgot the whole “clothing optional” part of European beaches and I got some wide-eyed distressed looks from my children and I spent a lot of time apologizing and telling them to look in a different direction.

Jacob’s view of Europe can best be summed up by his comment that he would have rather paid someone to paint our house and not have gone.  However, we discovered that he likes escargot.

Husband:  2012 cut his travel budget by 20% which I thought was completely acceptable.  He is no longer a Scout Master and thus will spend 11 fewer nights sleeping on the ground.  Since he is old I think he’s ok with that.  He loves fishing and plans to do a lot more in 2013.

Me:  Quit the Special Ed board in June because I got a big calling at church (I can only assume that everyone else they asked said “no.”)  I still volunteer at the Y teaching two pre-school enrichment classes.  I spend as much time as possible reading and watching Love it or List it.  I foolishly thought painting our house would not be a big deal because my dad had us paint our house twice while I lived at home.

Brianne:  Turned 16!!!!  Now she can drive to school which makes her mother ecstatic!  She is taking violin and has improved a lot in the last two years.  She is doing well in school and joined the Key Club (maybe?) and the Human Rights club.  She doesn’t have as much time to read this year which makes her very sad.

Jacob: Is now in high school.  He is taking piano lessons, hopefully will progress in scouts and wants to be a video game designer.  He ran cross country this fall and will probably do outdoor track in the spring.  He is working on improving his grades but strangely seems to prefer to doing other things to studying.

William: Is big, blond and adorable!  He likes school, reading, writing stories, playing on his iPad and watching TV, previews and looking at the scene sections pictures on movies.  We signed up for cable and I think whoever designed the DVR thought “how can I drive the parents of autistic kids crazy?”  “Oh, I know … I’ll design something that they can rewind over and over again.  Because, come on, doesn’t everyone need to hear the opening song to a TV show again and again and again!”  Designer of the DVR – actually the answer is no.  Will has also recently decided that church needs a little more applause and has started giving standing ovations when people pray or sing solos in Sacrament Meeting.  And about half the time he sings his own lyrics during hymns.

Elizabeth:  Is super cute (I am possibly biased).  She is in the 5^th grade.  She is doing really well learning the flute and has played twice at church!  This is fantastic because she gets nervous so her flute teacher and I bribe her.  She likes basketball, riding her bike, playing games, Legos, going anywhere and helping her dad fix things.  She is a great sport and is doing a lot better this year doing her reading and homework.  (Now if she would only start sooner than 8:30pm life would be better.)

Kitty:  Continuing her career as mass murderer.  (We have only seen 10 squirrels in our yard in two years and we don’t have mice in our shed anymore.)  However, the children adore Bri’s cat because she waits for their buses in the afternoon and walks them to the bus in the morning.  We recently installed a cat door in the garage so she can kill animals more conveniently.

We hope that 2013 treats you well!

Hurricane Sandy

On Friday, I went to the grocery store.

Why do I always forget that everyone in New England prepares for every big storm by buying groceries?

Somehow, it surprises me every time!  But as long as I was at the store I figured I should get some extra food as well to make waiting in the extra long line worth it.  At home I unpacked my extra 5 bags of apples, then stared at the gallon of milk, two cartons of eggs and the two packages of tater tots I bought and thought, "when the power goes out, boy will I be grateful for those tots!"

Obviously, I have lost the emergency preparedness skills that come standard in Utah.

School has already been cancelled for tomorrow and you know what else is tomorrow?

Brianne's road test.    Yup, the one that we are driving 2 hours and 15 minutes away to take.  Because why wouldn't there be a hurricane on the one day this year that I scheduled the test?

I don't know who to call to complain about this ... but I know someone who does and I will be calling her to find out who to yell at!

History -- Owned

Timeline of Stress

Throughout the summer:  Bri put off reading The Jungle for AP History but finally finished.

Tuesday: Bri finished up her chapter notes due in history and started studying for her test.

Wednesday morning:  Bri started her junior year. 

Wednesday Afternoon:  I picked up a hyperventilating Brianne.  Between breaths into a lunch bag, Bri explained that she had MRS. WILL for AP History!  The hardest teacher.  That her test tomorrow was not just on one chapter of notes but also the previous chapter’s notes as well.  The chapter from last year – the one she already took a test on.  She said, “I’m going to get a 5 on the AP test.  Last year my friend never got above a B- on a test and got a 5 on the AP test.”  Bri spent the rest of the day studying and quizzing me about Lincoln and reconstruction.

Somehow we ended up talking about how reconstruction was different under Johnson.  And I ended up saying, “After Lincoln was assassinated by vampire sympathizer John Wilkes Booth …”  (And yes, that is exactly what it can be like to have a conversation with me.)  Bri said that she was going to use that in her test.

Drinking down the last dregs of summer

My dad called me today to see if I was still in Barcalona.  It was a subtle hint to post something.

I told him I was still in Europe and didn't have Internet in a desperate attempt to buy myself some time.

The truth is that for some odd reason (peer pressure) I decided to go to girls camp with Bri for a week and for another odd reason (insanity) I decided that we could paint our own house and save ourselves $5,000 dollars.  That is actually true; however, I fear that the defense lawyer I'll require after I strangle  a couple of kids might require that money as a retainer thus I will not end up saving anything.

And in one of my more brilliant moments

Today I realized I was wearing a nursing top.  Despite the facts that: 1.) My youngest child is ten. 2.)  I’ve owned it for four weeks.

I’ve decided that:  1.) This shirt makes a. lot. more. sense now!  And  2.)  I’m going to wear it anyway.

My prayers have been answered!

I’ve complained to my family multiple times about their ability to ignore a ringing phone laying one inch from their fingers.  Usually if I don’t get it no one does.  Today the phone rang once then stopped.  I walked out to the living room.  “Who was on the phone?”  I asked Jacob.

“Huh?” He responded not even bothering to lift his eyes from the computer.  I walked over to him and picked up the phone lying next to the computer.  I scrolled through caller ID and saw that it was my dad.  I hit redial.  My dad was still on the line. 

“Who answered the phone?” I asked.

“I don’t know but someone was pushing numbers.”  He said.

I told him that was me then said I wondered if William answered the phone.  He had.  He’d left it on the stair banister. 

Great!  There is apparently one other person who lives with me that will answer the phone … the only problem is that he won’t say anything when he does and that he doesn’t take messages.

Will Hates Voting

This is actually two posts, but I never posted the first and now it's not.

Living in a House of Illness for Two Weeks

Doesn’t that make you want to come over for dinner?  Ok, I’ll plan on Thursday then.

It started about three weeks ago.  I went in Lizzy’s room to wake her up.  She informed me that she wasn’t going to school because she threw up during the night.  The poor girl stayed home until Friday.  On Saturday Will threw up once.  I thought he was better so I sent him to school on Monday.  I felt bad when his school called and said he had a temperature of 100’.  I picked him up.  On Tuesday, Lizzy’s flute teacher got sick and threw up in the middle of Lizzy’s lesson at our house so I drove her teacher home and picked up the flute teacher’s husband from the train station.  On Wednesday Will went back to school.  But Bri stayed home.  And Jacob stayed home on Thursday.  Friday was a school holiday – which was just as well.

William hates Voting -- Probably Because He’s Unpatriotic

The Tuesday that Will was home because he had a fever on Monday I took him on my errands to get him out of the house.  We first went to the local library (That’s what they say on PBS so that’s what Will says.)  I made Will go upstairs with me first so I could look for a book before we went downstairs to the important Dr. Suess containing part.  I wasted his compliant time looking for a movie to watch and he was impatient during my “look for a book time.”  There was some pinching and yelling.  But since the library does not specifically ban yelling but rather focuses on whispering I figure that it was fine.

Will was in a delightful mood by the time we arrived at the elementary school to vote.  I got my ballot and walked over to the booth to mark it.  I glanced at Will in the next booth who was busily marking up the example ballot directions hanging on the wall of the booth.  (He also may or may not have written his name) I tried to stop him but he really wanted to fill in the empty ovals.  I was a little flustered and finished as quickly as I could.  I had Will in one hand and my ballot in the other and stopped at the desk to have me marked down as having voted.  

Will was completely done by this point and started to pinch me.  I used my modified Karate Kid Wax Off move to block him, paired with a “Quiet Hands” instruction.  Something I’ve frequently done in the past but this time it went horribly wrong!  Probably because I was still looking at the people sitting at the desk.  When I twisted my arm away from Will’s talons and brought my elbow around and down, my hand followed and my thumb hit Will forehead.  Usually that would not be a problem … however, this particular day happened to be one of the approximately 17 days per year that I haven’t ripped off my fingernails thus I had something resembling girl fingernails; and my thumb nailed Will in the forehead.  And there was a little blood and there was some crying and there was some apologizing and there was some more pinching.  And I had just told the people at the desk my name and address.  I slunk out of the elementary school pulling my crying 12 year-old behind me and waited for DCF to appear at my door.

But they never came.  I can only assume that someone recognized the Karate Kid Wax Off move as a purely defensive maneuver.  

Teasing Cheryl because I’m a little bit evil

I brought the bottled water for our PAC event.  Since it was out the kids asked if they could have a bottle.  I said, “No, Cheryl will get mad at me if you drink any.”  She wouldn’t but I said it anyway.

When I arrived with the water I told Cheryl what I had done.  She drew in a horrified breath and stated, “You give those kids bottled water if they want bottled water.” 

And then I laughed …. an evil laugh. (Because I’m a little bit evil or maybe I laughed because I have figured out how to tease Cheryl.)

I think that thtudnwytb has missed me

The reason I think thtudnwytb has missed me is that the renters called on Sunday night and said "We’re moving out."  Sadly the lady lost her job and was moving in with her mother in Brooklyn. So, as the best part of our President’s Day holiday we visited thtudnwytb.

It was just like coming home.  Coming home to a pool table, several TVs, a computer, tools, a washer and dryer and about five sewing machines (she worked as an upholster).  We are going to give them a couple more days to pick up their stuff before we decide to leave it in the house as a housewarming gift for the new tenants.

Things I will miss about the old tenants:

1.  Never needing to go over to the house. 

2.  Depositing the rent in cash every month and feeling like a drug dealer.

3.  Sleeping (now I will spend my nights hyperventilating until we find new tenants)

So, as a special treat for the children we went over to the house to clean!  I was concerned that Will would see the house and refuse to get out of the car but it has been so long that he entered the house without protest.  And better yet … he stayed inside!  There was no running down the street to get away from thtudnwmtb.  I was happy about that.

The children were so delighted to help clean and did such a great job that I threatened to leave Jacob and Lizzy at the house until they actually did something.  It was so fun that we went back today and spent another couple of hours.  But I am mostly done -- except for removal of the stuff they left and I’m going to repaint the basement floor.

Admit it … you missed thtudnwytb too!

Stuff My Kids Say

“Lizzy, you’re wonderful!”

“I know.”

…

After changing the bandage on Bri’s back, I said, “Brianne, I’m like a nurse.”

“No, you’re not.”

…

“Jacob, go clean the toilet.”

“That’s not on my job list.”

…

“One fish, two fish.”

“Move please.”

“All done.”

Knives

Several years ago I sat down and wrote out an email to send to Oneida to ask them to buy some more spoons and knives but I never figured out the style of silverware I have because I only keep boxes of things that I don’t and won’t need or boxes of things that broke several years ago.

Dear Oneida Customer Service Representatives,

I bought two sets of silverware. I planned on using them until I died at which point I thought I would probably will them to the favorite of my four children. However, one of my children is severely autistic with a penchant for throwing dishes, and other assorted items in the garbage. Unfortunately, I am a slow learner and as a result I have many forks and salad forks, a reasonable amount of knives, a few spoons and enough soup spoons. Why William decided that spoons are the least needed utensil I might never know. But I disagree with him. And as I am not willing to switch to a utilitarian spork (at least not yet) I am left with a quandary and spoon shortage.

I know that you do not usually sell spoons separately in this set but I hope that you will make an exception in the case of “an autistic child who throws away spoons” and allow me to buy some separately. I assure you, if you will allow me an exception, I will attempt to curtail William’s attempts to single-handedly fill up our town’s landfill with spoons! And needless to say I will will the silverware to a child who will not throw them away.

Sincerely and hopefully,

Mother of 4

Sadly since I was never able to figure out what style of silverware I own I was never able to send this email. And even more sadly William started throwing away more knives; culminating with our fantastic Thanksgiving dinner with 13 people and only seven knives. (Sharing is good right?)

After that my lack of knives became a source of amusement to my friends. Cheryl was delighted to add “lacking in knives” to my penchant for “keeping children’s eating hours.” However, when her mother called her to say she was in Oneida and asked if she wanted any silverware Cheryl stepped up to the plate and placed an order for 12 knives for me which her mother delivered! Best part? Well, if only cost me 7 bucks. Do I know how to shop or do I know how to shop*?

*Disclaimer: I actually do not know how to shop but am acquainted with people who do know how to shop.

Exercising is Dangerous

I have quadricep tendonitis from doing step-ups at the Y.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten a lot more athletic injuries.  I broke a bone in my foot playing basketball when I was about 12 but that was about it for my youth.  But as an adult I hurt my foot playing kickball with my kids, (I’m sure it had nothing to do with my choice of foot wear – flipflops.) ripped tendons and ligaments in my ankle trying to teach Bri how to ride a bike and now my step-up injury!  What’s next?  Spraining my wrist while trying to change the station on the TV?

Fortunately the treatment for quadricep tendonitis is to sit on my butt for the next six weeks … THANK YOU Universe! … uh, I mean no problem.

Bri’s Christmas Concert

I enlisted Jacob to babysit Will so I could go listen to Brianne.  I haven’t taken Will to one of Bri’s concerts since I realized that it was absurd to bring music with headphones to a concert and bring books to distract him then spend most of the concert stressing about Will yelling and ruining the concert for everyone else.  So I leave him home and we’re both happier.

Bri had to be there an hour early to rehearse so I brought my iPad to play solitaire on because it’s totally worth it to buy an iPad to play games on because it is so difficult to find anything else you can play that on. 

Moving on.

An older man was interested in the iPad so I told him a little about it.  I mentioned that my son loved the Dr. Suess books on the iPad and that we were slowly buying every book as it came out.  He asked how old my son was.

“12, he has autism.”  I added because something needed to be said to explain his age and interest in Dr. Suess.

Mother Meltdowns

Some studies show that married, childless by choice couples are happiest of all.  Ok, I can see that …  sometimes.  When I called someone (who shall remain nameless because I can’t resist typing up what she said) to complain about my children not doing anything they are suppose to, she commiserated with me.  “I’ve heard that children make you happier.”  I said, “but I don’t buy it.”

She agreed, “I bought that crap five times!”  And 40 minutes later we both felt better.

I came home and told my husband I wasn’t going to make dinner again for two weeks.  “What about Will?”  He asked. 

“Oh, I’ll make dinner for him, you and me.”  I said.  “How long will it be until the kids notice?”  I asked.

We made a bet but I think the bet is moot now because I sprained my knee while doing step ups at the gym on Friday and have been either in bed or on crutches since and I think my kids will attribute the lack of food to my injury rather than a consequence to their mother’s possible meltdown.

A Three Migraine Week

First Migraine:  A $550 pair of Tweezers

Oh, and it was definitely worth every penny! 

My main toilet backed up and I had someone come unplug it.  He had to come back the next week then I called someone else three weeks later.  Tweezers coupled with a small plastic medicine cup equaled the problem.

Migraine Two:  Our special education PAC exploded and now there are only three of us to do the work.  And we had already announced we were leaving when our terms expired.

Migraine Three:  Jake broke one of our windows in our four season porch.  He threw his wooden sword at something and hit the window. 

Another Moment of Being Fantastic

I took Bri and Lizzy to Target because Bri needed mascara.  I ended up with an eye shadow stick.  But I don’t know why I bought it because my tendency towards frumpiness usually extends towards the wearing of makeup.

I bought Lizzy two pairs of leggings to wear under her pants for the winter because she gets cold (genetic pre-disposition from her father) and I usually have her wear snow pants from December until April but then her teachers start saying things like “Lizzy, you don’t need to wear snow pants when there isn’t any snow.”  So I decided that long-johns or legging were the way to go.  She also decided she needed ear muffs and a slushy.

… Later that night she came up to me with her tooth in a sandwich bag.  “Mom, the last time I lost a tooth you didn’t give me money.”

“Go get a dollar from my purse.”

“No, it’s ok.  I’ll just put the tooth under my pillow.”

“If you want a dollar you better go get it.”

Impressive isn’t it that my children have to play tooth fairy for themselves?

Cleaning out my Freezer

If there is any benefit to one’s power being out for four days due to a hurricane, it could be the necessity of cleaning out your freezer.  Although Will nearly went crazy and Marcy and Cheryl still laugh at the contents of my freezer I was glad that the universe forced me to empty it. 

(And I think that many people probably routinely have 14 packages of frozen peas and 8 packages of frozen mango in their freezer.)

But I’m curious about what the universe was trying to say to me when my power went out again over the Halloween weekend.  I had replaced some of the peas.  I had 4 packages.

Was that the problem?  Universe, do you not want me to buy peas unless I’m going to eat them?

….

I’m going to stop buying peas because I think it’s safer.