I’m Sorry Ma’am but You’re too Dumb to have a Mouse

The mouse on my computer stopped working. I could move it back and forth but not up and down. I took out the ball and cleaned it. Still didn’t work. I cleaned it again; nope, still wasn’t working. I fiddled with the insides. The part the made it go up and down didn’t really work. And worked even less when I broke off a little piece. I decided to try surgery.

My husband says that if you look inside something about half the time you can fix it. I opened it up. Perhaps my husband should have mentioned that you should be really observant about where things go when you open it up. I knew where the piece I broke off went but not where the little spring thing went or exactly how the little round circle lay on the other plastic piece. I called the time of death exactly 2 seconds after the first incision.

I opened the box containing the kids’ computer but their mouse used a different connector. Since I couldn’t use my computer to look up Dell phone number I called Marcy and asked her to look up their number so I could order a new mouse. Once she understood what I was calling about and stopped laughing at me; she told me the joke about the woman who was to dumb to have a computer and told me to go to Staples. I responded, “So I didn’t need to save the mouse for the model number on the back of it?”

Maybe I need a new mantra. How about I may not know stuff but I know people who do? Or at least I’m amusing, or perhaps Hey, she was laughing with me, not at me!

The 4th of July

For the first time in 8 years we did not go into Boston to watch the fireworks. We were exhausted from Six Flags and the people who usually drive in at 8:00 am to get a great spot right on the Charles didn’t. So, we couldn’t drive in at 6:00pm, eat the snacks and drinks someone else hauled in it, and have a front row seat for the fireworks. Doing it ourselves seemed like too much effort. So we went to Newton.

After being use to seeing one of the best fireworks displays in the country, Newton’s seemed kind of lame. I recognize that any city’s wouldn’t seem great but it didn’t help that I wrote down the wrong directions and we had to wait for the fireworks to start then drive in that direction and as a result we ended up seeing them from the side of a road the day before garbage day. We parked beside a gigantic mound of trash and peered down the street towards the sky. Will enjoyed them for a while then was ready to go even before it was over. I agreed with him. Am I ruined forever for normal fireworks? I worry so. Maybe if I have snacks and a chair it would be ok. Certainly I need to watch them in a park rather than by a pile of trash.

Six Flags

Thursday, we took the kids to Six Flags. Lizzy is too short to go on a lot of the rides so my husband heroically volunteered to take her to Wiggles’ World. I took the kids on some intense rides. I am just too old for some of them like the Mind Eraser. I do not want my head flung from side to side hitting both sides of the “padding!” It gave me a headache.

We continued the family tradition of going to amusement parks in the rain. It was clear and hot until about 5:30pm. Then it started to rain heavily. We huddled under an overhang to avoid getting wet while Lizzy and Jake ate giant ice cream cones. Then Lizzy mentioned she was cold. I can’t imagine why.

Will finished soaking himself by rolling in a giant puddle. Fortunately, we had a change of clothes so for about one minute he was the driest of all. But his shoes were completely wet. He said “car” and “home” but the other kids didn’t want to leave. Will loved the Looney Tunes characters that walked around. He hugged the skunk we met for several minutes but ignored the Martian. Later on we ran into a group of about six different characters. He hugged Tweety and sang Barney’s I Love You song to it and tried to get him to sing along. Then he hugged the duck, then Bugs then . . . They thought he was cute and gave him an autographed picture.

The day went pretty well. We didn’t lose Will once (he was too tired to run anywhere!). Although, he tried to go up the Splash Water Falls conveyor belt, oops! Jake did run away because he was so eager to see Drake Bell in concert. It was soooo thrilling to see him. My husband had the kids about mid field sitting on a fence. (Bri took a picture -- we’ll see how it turns out.) But ultimately I decided that his music was not worth the sacrifice of my eardrums. So, Will and I hung out at a picnic table at the back where it was slightly less ear piercing.

Recap of the day: We stuffed the kids with fried foods and ice cream and took them on rides that shook their brains. The kids went to their first real concert with a Nickelodeon celebrity. We had only one trip to a First Aid station and only two escape artists. The kids had a brilliant time.

Moon?

Will touches my face and calls me “moon” often. I think he thinks it’s interchangeable with mom. Maybe it's a term of endearment.

It's Better than a Snow Cone

Lizzy and Will were jumping on the trampoline. It started raining. My mother-in-law said that my kids would probably come in soon. Clearly, she is use to normal children. I looked out the window. Lizzy was shivering under the sun room. Will was still jumping. I went outside to bring him in. By this time it had started to hail. Will was eating the hail off the trampoline. I called to him to come inside. He ignored me and I had to walk out in the pouring rain to get him off. We were all soaked.

Later I found him jumping wearing only underwear. I know naked is coming.

We made it through this school year but I'm still waiting for the Suspension

Anyone who has had both boys and girls knows there is a difference between them. Before I had one of each I totally bought into the Nurture verses Nature view of child rearing. I bought gender neutral toys and thought I could mold my children however I chose. Unfortunately, a little something called testosterone got in the way of my plans. My son started to make his own guns out of sticks or legos. What do you do when that happens? "I'm so glad you are using creative open-ended play, but ah . . ." Anyway I've given up.

In this time of zero tolerance I'm waiting for that phone call telling me to come pick up Jake from school. There has been foreshadowing of this inevitable occurrence i.e. the time he made a drawing of a gun and cut it out at school and got a bus slip for bringing it home on the bus. (No, his teachers' didn't have a problem with it just the bus driver.) He also got in trouble on the bus for reading a book about a video game (rated E) because he and his friend used violent words. I'm trying to explain to him why he shouldn't do that kind of stuff but he doesn't get it. It didn't help that my husband thought it was hilarious.

Jake brought home a poem:

Oh, No

A wife has a knife.
So I have to run in the sun.
There's no time to give her a cap,
then take a nap.
Oh, no I guess I did!

Certain parts of the poem were crossed out, new poem:

Oh, No

A fiddle has a riddle.
So I have to run in the sun.
There's no time to give it a cap,
then take a nap.
Oh, no I guess I did!

I think we can all agree that the suspension is inevitable at some point.

Step One is Admitting you have a Problem

I managed to get nothing done yesterday except to forget to take Bri to her piano lesson. Her teacher called because she was worried that something had happened to Bri. I reassured her that Bri was fine. My brain obviously was not. I guess I’ve hit rock bottom. I don’t care that the house is a mess. Is that step two in moving recovery? My husband's parents can sit on boxes and eat off plastic dishes. My husband actually asked me if we were going to use real dishes again because I hadn’t unpacked them yet. I reassured him that at some point in the future we would, uhh probably. Maybe I can even get use to this wallpaper.