In a moment of weakness

I agreed to go camping.   I used to enjoy it but then we had kids and it got a little more complicated.  Several years ago when Jake was a cub scout we signed up for a family weekend campout; but I looked at the tents and realized that William could leave when I was asleep without my knowledge so we didn’t stay the night.  My husband took the kids while I stayed home with William for the next couple of years.

So, although I have fears of not going home with the same number of children I come with and even though I’m concerned about toileting issues we are going to a campground at the Cape on Thursday.  (If you are prayerful at all, you might want to include me and Will.  Oh, and Lizzy because she has delicious blood that ticks prefer.)

The Boston Globe loves me

I don’t blame it because I am pretty awesome.  It just doesn’t want to let me go.  I have a newspaper addiction (thanks to my parents and their two newspapers a day habit) I started reading a paper at 16.  I economize by only taking one newspaper (even though I really would like two because I’m also interested in local news).  But ever since Marcy talked me into serving on two special education PACs (thanks Marcy) I haven’t had time to read the paper and it’s been piling up because I have an addiction and can’t recycle the paper until I read it.  I store the unread papers on my dining room chair so I can read while snacking.  This has led to me appearing much taller than I previously appeared.  While I feel that my newfound height gives me a menacing look that occasionally comes in handy when I’m trying to um … encourage Will to eat non-preferred food items, or while I’m glaring at my children for their atrocious table manners; I feel a little tottery.

(By the way did you know that “tettery” is not actually a word?  I know because I looked it up when I was auto corrected.  Now I wonder why I thought “tettery” was a word and how often I have used it incorrectly and if anyone noticed.)

So, the newspapers piling up coupled with my husband’s suggestion of cancelling it and buying an iPad for the equivalent of what I spend yearly on my subscription led to my decision to switch to a Sunday only subscription and an electronic subscription.

The Globe stopped delivering a daily paper for a week.  Then it started again.  I’ve called several times.  It’s still coming.  I’m only paying for Sunday but they love me so much they don’t want to give me up.  My pile disappeared during the week it didn’t come but now it’s piling up again.  Because, as with any drug, if it’s in your house it’s hard not to have a taste!

Quandary:  we’re going on vacation.

Solution:  I called the Globe and put in a vacation stop and restart (yes, for the paper I’m not paying for).  They asked if I wanted to donate the paper to their high school reading program.

I said, “Yes.”

Getting Old

My dad called me today to see if I was alive since I hadn’t posted anything for so long.  My kids’ last day of school was last Wednesday and Will’s vacation week is this week … it’s been a little busy.  Then my dad told me that he wrote his obituary.  I thought it was an awesome idea and told him I was going to write my own as well.  I asked him if he had everything else set for his funeral yet.  I think he better get on that before Alzheimers sets in.   I figure that neither of us will escape it because my grandma had it.

With that in mind I asked him, “How much have you been forgetting lately?”

His response … “Not nearly enough.”

Bri waited in the car

After picking up Bri from swim practice I had to stop at the grocery store to buy bacon for Jake’s end of the year crew breakfast.  She decided to wait in the car because she was … well, wet.  When I came back she had changed my phone’s wallpaper to a picture of her making a face.  

She had written “lol, hahahaha” on it and changed the background to black.  When I remarked on the picture she responded, “you’ll never be able to take the writing off the picture.”

“Why not?”  I asked.

“Because you don’t know how to.”

Freedom is in sight

Well, at least for the kids.  My busy season is fast approaching.  Tomorrow is Bri’s last day. Wednesday is Jake’s and Lizzy’s.  And Will gets next week off.  Bri leaves for a youth trip Thursday morning.  And on Friday I’m taking Jake and Lizzy to Six Flags.  Marcy’s husband Tom and Dav are coming.  Marcy said she didn’t want to go and volunteered to take Will off the bus when she gets Pete.  I, not being one to pass on an opportunity, took her up on her offer.  I’ll admit I wasn’t looking forward to taking Will without my husband because he pinches at Six Flags … a lot!

Traumatizing Brianne’s Cat

I think I traumatized Kitty more than she’s ever been in her life and that includes taking her away from her mother!  She had a vet appointment and hasn’t ridden in a car for months.  I think I thought this car ride would be just like that one but didn’t take into consideration that 1. She’s not a kitten anymore and 2. No one was holding the box on their lap.

I put her in a box.  I found a build a bear box.  “Perfect!”  I thought, “It has a hole so she can breathe and a handle for carrying.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take into consideration it was designed for transporting stuffed animals rather than real ones.  I buckled the box into a seat and one minute later Kitty came and visited me.  How relieved I felt that the box was safe for the ride.

I didn’t take Kitty straight to the vet because I like to complicate things.  I dropped her off at my friend Karen’s house she would kitty-sit for an hour.  “She can stay in her box for the whole hour.”  I offered.  Karen said she didn’t need to.  That was fortunate because when I tried to put her back into her traveling box she refused.  I could have forced her but I really needed a third hand and I only had two available.  I carried her into Karen’s house.  After watching Lizzy read her Beethoven biography project I returned for the cat.  I didn’t try putting her into the box this time, I carried her to the car.  But I wrapped myself in a blanket before I picked her up … she hated being in the car.

We got to the vet’s ten minutes early.   I carried Kitty into to the waiting room.  There were three dogs there!  Kitty’s heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would burst from her chest!  She was shaking with fear.  I took her out.  I walked around to the back door to talk to someone.  There was another dog!  I told them we would wait in the car.  We waited for 50 minutes.

She got shots.  The office probably smelled like dog.  She had to ride in a car multiple times.  She was put in a box.  She was left with a stranger.  She saw 4 DOGS!  WORST. DAY. EVER!  I tried to pet her yesterday after we got home.  She kind of froze with fear.  She didn’t run away but was really suspicious.  I’m going to have to feed her a significant amount of meat to get her to trust me again.

Priorities

Why is it that if the fate of the world lay in the balance, able to be saved by the mere act of throwing away an apple core in the garbage Will would drop the core on the ground without a care?  Why is he seemingly unable to throw away apple cores, banana peels, empty bags of cereal, chips or marshmallows yet is as likely to throw a fork away as to leave it on the table?

Autism, I have to admit, this is what makes me want to slap you!  I don’t care about a lot of physical things, as evidenced by my almost exclusive ten year history of clothes shopping at Target, the fact that I have four children and use to cut my own hair.  But autism, I hate cheap silverware.  It bends.  It doesn’t weigh enough.  It just doesn’t feel right.  Autism, I had a set of 24 and now I only have seven knives left!  Yes, yes I know I should occasionally look through the garbage.  It would be like having a smelly Christmas once a day.  But I spent 36 years not looking through the garbage and if my history is any guide it will take me over twenty years before I even start to look through it once a week.

Tonight I needed the paddle for my breadmaker.  I looked and looked and looked but couldn’t find it and was getting frustrated when I had the thought … “it’s in the garbage.”  I looked.  It wasn’t in it but I found a bowl.  So I went to the garage and sure enough, it was there.

I also have been missing the recipe booklet that came with the breadmaker and I suspect it’s in the garbage too.  But I didn’t look for it.  The garbage can keep it.  And I’m beginning to suspect Will threw away the cordless phone that has been tying up my phone line for three days.

Stopping Time

I believe I’ve mentioned once or twice that Lizzy is stubborn.  That she refuses to put anything in her hair.  That she only likes to wear particular clothes.   That once she makes up her mind about something it’s pretty much over.  

Well, I’m a little conflicted to report that she wore a ribbon flower clip in her hair along with Bri’s old yellow dress, white sweater and heeled sandals.  She looked beautiful!  I’ve been very frustrated that she wouldn’t let me dress her in Mary Janes and Plaid skirts but instead insists on wearing camouflage shorts, XL Men’s tee-shirts and sneakers intended for boys.  And she is all or nothing about her hair.  Meaning she either chooses to wear no barrettes or six (a look we all occasionally like to sport).

She’s growing up.  She informed me yesterday that she’s “basically in fourth grade.”  I want to freeze time.  I want to cuddle up with Lizzy and not let her grow up.

But if I have to let her grow up, at least it comes with a hairstyle change.

I blocked the TV

I’ve decided to have a TVless summer because I’m a super good mother who feeds her children 5 servings of vegetables a day and cares deeply about her children’s behavioral repertoire being filled with reruns of Phineas and Ferb on Netflix rather than reading, math drills, etc. because they were watching so much TV and not doing their jobs and homework and it was pissing me off. 

Two days later I realize I need to put a code on Will’s iPad to keep Jacob off it because apparently the very real risk of getting pinched by Will for touching precious (his iPad) is outweighed by Jacob’s media addiction!  And Lizzy agreed with me that she had a problem was watching too much TV.

Apparently I need to sign up my children for a ten step media addiction program!

I am so very, very proud.[i]

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[i]Why do I feel that I need to withdraw my name for consideration for Mother of the Year?  I really felt I had it in the bag this year … and now this!  It’s really frustrating because I’ve been a mother for 15 years and I still haven’t won.  (I suspect the judges are biased.  Just sayin’.)

The more I think about it the more I think it was purposeful

My kids lost one of the cordless phones.  It wouldn’t be a problem except they didn’t hang it up before they lost it.

My working assumption is that I haven’t missed an important call for 3 days.  Not even the static filled message I didn’t understand but think that he asked me to call him back.

Why do I think they did it on purpose?  Oh, because I call the kids as soon as I leave with instructions to clean, do homework, practice the piano or flute and to turn off the TV.

Conversation

Do you ever wonder if you had the same conversation someone else thinks you had?  Or if you just continued it all by yourself … in your brain.

Yes, today was one of those days.

Thinking about Stuff

… like tornadoes.  Marcy and I drove past some broken trees and a couple of highway signs damaged by the tornado on our way to New York.  One sign was folded down like a crisp pair of pants hanging on a hanger.  The other sign was twisted off to the side, instead of curling over the pike it was bent to the ground and the top part of the sign was nowhere in sight.

Last Wednesday Jake kept track of the tornado for us.  He turned on the TV and advised me to prepare.  I filled up a pitcher of water and put it in the fridge and brought a battery powered camping lantern upstairs.

I wasn’t worried.  I am a mellow person and have never having been in a tornado I lacked respect.  In hindsight I think I should have upgraded to a Code Yellow.

Swimming Through Huge Numbers of Tourists

There are a lot of tourists in New York. We managed to pick a popular time to come. I recommend you come at a different time of year. Last night we saw Mary Poppins. It was really, really good! Surprising. I wouldn't haven chosen to see it but my personal Broadway consultant recommended it. She has seen it twice and said, "Don't think of it as a kid's show.". She was right.

We went to the top of The Rock and All I can say it that's twenty bucks I'll never see again. Recommendation: Don't waste your time. Of course, I'd say the same about Times Square. We just saw Billy Elliot. It was good but the kids use language I wouldn't let my kids use. But the older Billy was such a fantastic ballet dancer that I'm interested in giving ballet a chance. I never liked it but ...

Tonight we are going to see Catch Me If You Can. I liked the movie so I have hopes for the musical.

A big shout out to Toys R Us, my bathroom away from home!

New York with Marcy

Marcy and I are going to New York again but this time is more complicated.  I hurt my ankle on Tuesday loading 500 lbs. of tile into my van.  Bri has a doctor appointment today.  So I prepared yesterday by going to Target.  Because nothing says “Going to New York” to me like buying an outfit at Target!