I get it!

Will snuggled up to me and tilted my head to touch his. Looked me in the eye and firmly said, “All done.” I nodded to him and kept singing. “All done.” He repeated. I stopped singing and started giggling.

Who is Sarah Palin?

That was my first question after McCain announced her as his running mate. The little I heard about her left me ambivalent. Basically, she’s a mother of 5 and governor of Alaska. Why aren’t I enthusiastic? This is wonderful. Whatever party wins, this election will be history making.

I tried to sort out my ambivalence. I looked on McCain’s website and couldn’t find out anything about her except her name. I had to go to the State of Alaska’s website to find her bibliography. And fortunately, there were several articles about her in the Globe today.

What does she bring to the ticket? Apparently, Republicans are in love with her because she didn’t abort her son when she found out he had Down Syndrome when she was four months pregnant. Now obviously, I have my own issues with special needs! But I don’t think anyone is really special because they decide to keep a special needs child! I didn’t even have genetic testing while I was pregnant with Lizzy because as I told the doctor – “It doesn’t matter what’s wrong with the baby if you are not going to end the pregnancy.” Does my choice not to have testing make me better than her?

She also brings a level of thoughtless radicalism to the ticket. Apparently, she advocates teaching creationism in school along with evolution. Whose version of creationism would we teach -- a Native American version, a version that the Christians’ who hold snakes advocate? What will happen when non-Christian religions sue for the same right? Perhaps our children can spend the whole day hearing about religion rather than learning math, or reading, or history . . . I respect religion. But it doesn’t belong in public school except as appropriately taught as a part of history. It’s my job as a parent to teach my children about religion. They do not need to be “indoctrinated” about religion by anyone but me. Teaching about a particular religious philosophy in public school is frightening; unless, of course, I get to choose it! What? You’re not comfortable with that? You think that you should be able to make that decision for your own child. I agree!

An article in the Boston Globe called Palin a valentine to the Religious Right. As she doesn’t have a huge list of accomplishments or public service or government service I see where that idea comes from. I definitely want to hear from her about what she stands for, has done and is planning to do.

Why did McCain choose her?

I read that he only talked to her once. What does that mean? Is he going to let her do anything? Or will she be like a beautiful necklace? Something that is worn on special occasions then put back in the jewelry box for safe keeping.

A valentine to evangelical base - The Boston Globe

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Is it Thievery or Emerging Survival Skills?

I made roasted chicken legs for dinner even though my husband hates eating meat on the bone because while I was at the store I decided I wanted to roast a chicken and roasting the legs seemed easier than roasting an entire chicken. Actually I don’t think I have ever roasted an entire chicken. Maybe I was scared. Or did I feel it was too self-indulgent to buy one already roasted with my husband home? Going to my sisters’ houses affects me. They all clean and cook and bottle food. Some of them even sew. They all garden too, but some of them garden on the scale of having a small farm.

On the scale of doing traditional womanly stuff I pretty much suck. I’d rather watch back to back episodes of Charmed, or, in reality, any crappy TV show. I like to sew but only costumes or baby girl clothes and I haven’t sewn in years. I don’t do any useful sewing -- my children have actually outgrown clothing I meant to mend. I don’t bottle food or garden. I hate to clean and my children have beaten any desire to cook out of me because of the constant complaints over anything I make.

I always come back from seeing my sisters inspired to change but it never lasts. Anyway, I was trying to impress my husband by making dinner. (Even though I know he won’t like what I’m making. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense but I think he’ll appreciate the effort.) I wasn’t sure Will would eat the chicken because he didn’t the last time. But he did. He ate two pieces. He asked for more but I told him to eat his salad and rice. He swiped Bri’s mostly eaten chicken leg from her plate and finished it off. Again I told him to eat his veggies. He waited until the coast was clear then swiped her replacement chicken leg. One would think that by this time I would be vigilant in my efforts to head off the chicken appropriation committee. But no. The next piece of chicken swiped came from my plate!

Ahhh, progress! Maybe he could survive a national emergency.

A big glass of head cold with a two day migraine sprinkled in.

I have had a headache for the last two days which I’m sure is exacerbated by my staying up late watching the Democratic National Convention. I really enjoy it off and on. I can’t wait for Obama’s speech! I am not too proud to admit he really inspires me.

However, my lack of sleep caught up to me this morning when I was a little short with Jake over a misunderstanding as I was driving him to school. Poor boy! Don’t worry, we made up before he got to school.

With the exception of bus issues still unresolved I think we are starting off on a good year.

Escaping Republicanism

The Democrat (AKA in Utah, as a socialist, gay loving, country hating, flag burning . . .) in me did relatively well at biting my tongue. When my sister's father-in-law came up to me and asked how awful it was living in Massachusetts with all those DEMOCRATS. I only said that I liked it. When he talked about Ted Kennedy et al. I didn't say anything. When he slammed Obama I only said I really liked him.

When two different people brought up Rev. Wright I did tell them my opinion of the situation. I poked the fire by mentioning to J's Grandma that McCain left his wife, who waited for him while he was in prison camp and married his rich girlfriend, because that's the kind of Democrat I am.

When one of my brother-in-laws asked my why I was a Democrat I was happy to explain. When someone asked me what I thought about Michelle Obama's statement that for the first time as an adult she was proud of her country. I was happy to give my interpretation of that statement.

If it wasn't a mis-statement as she has said, I look at it with the understanding that African American have a different starting point in regards to pride in our country. If my great-great-great whatever grandparents were slaves, or if my mother or father couldn't go to the same school or drink at the same drinking fountain as someone who was a different color I can understand having a different feeling about justice in America and its failure to live up to our ideals. That would color my opinion of America. Unfortunately, there is still a significant amount of prejudice in America, I'm hopeful that Obama may have some idea how to change that.

I did slip up in the grocery store, though. Newsweek had an article about what Bush has done right. I counted the pages and mentioned I was surprised they could find four pages of things he did right. Quite frankly I couldn't think of any. But then I thought he was a coward when he didn't fly home immediately to Washington after 9/11! And nothing Bush has done since then has impressed me.

If it's my calling to educate Republicans person by person, I am willing to do so -- even if I take a pounding by my relatives.

J U M P

I sometimes think that jump is Will’s favorite word. He loves to write it. I found the first jump spelled out in plastic letters on the windowsill when he was three. “That couldn’t be intentional, could it?” I thought. He couldn’t talk or play or really do anything except line up plastic ABCs. When I found it spelled out again a week later I decided that he really could spell it.

He has written jump all over the pages of a library book. But it’s Marvin K. Mooney so that was probably inevitable. I guess I’m buying the library another copy. Will loves to jump on the trampoline. He’s probably gotten more exercise in the last week and a half than he has the previous year.

The Day Before School

Sunday night J. proposed catching an earlier flight home. There were 13 open seats on the 6:10am flight to DFW. So, we decided to wake the kids up at 4:00am and gamble that we could all get home before midnight.

Success. We landed in Boston at 3:30pm. So, we got in about an hour after we would have left SLC. It gave me full day to try to get it together for school tomorrow.

The flight wasn't too bad. I sat by Will the first leg and by Lizzy the second. While I was sitting by Will I went deaf from the excess fluid in my head. But unfortunately, my hearing came back for the second leg. It would have been more useful to be deaf while I was sitting by Lizzy as she had less than six hours of sleep the night before.

I woke up in this morning and tried to figure out what I had to do today. I tried to figure out the kids' buses. Silly me thought that if I filled out the correct address on the bus form that Bri’s bus schedule would be fine. It wasn’t. I had to drive to two schools today to try to fix bus routes.

Then I took Will, Lizzy and Bri to buy shoes. Wasn’t fun. Will didn’t want to look at any shoes and spent the entire time wandering the store. I decided to buy him shoes another time when he wasn’t present. We couldn’t find the special shoes Lizzy wanted. And while Bri was debating between which pattern she wanted on her shoes Will was laying down on the floor making loud noises.

I may have to drive my children back and forth to school for a few days, but now I have perspective -- at least I don’t have to shoe shop with all four of them!

The Littlest

Yesterday Lizzy said to me while jumping on the trampoline, “It rocks to be the littlest!”

Cowboy Up

We fly back to Boston on Monday and I am not looking forward to the flight. Bri and my husband are on a different flight, but will try to change to the same flight we are on. Hopefully that will work out. As my husband was discussing options he suggested that if he could upgrade that Will and I could sit up in first class. I countered that Brianne and I could sit in first class and he could experience my flight to Utah only 18 short days ago.

This was not the first time I have flown alone with my children. I have frequently done it. Jake's expectation that anyone he sits next to will want to talk to him and share their food comes from an actually experience.

About four years ago, I flew into T. F. Green with all the children. Jake sat across the isle from me next to the nicest woman and man who actually gave him all their fries and would have given him a sandwich as well, if Jake had wanted it. They were incredibly nice to him and everything was great until after the plane landed. That's when Jake asked the woman, "Do you have any weapons at your house?"

The woman looked at me in horror! Any previous good opinion of me excised. "No!" She firmly and decisively replied, "We do not have any weapons at our house!"

I didn't say anything, feeling that if I tried to explain what Jake meant I would sound defensive and possibly not believable. But Jake took care of the situation by saying, "I have a lightsaber!"

"Oh," replied the woman, "I guess we do have some weapons at my house, too."

Realistically, our trip home will include William repeatedly pinching my elbow (something he started doing on our trip out) hundreds of times, Jake talking non-stop to anyone he sits next to if they allow it, Lizzy requesting things I can't give her and since I have a cold I am anticipating a major sinus induced migrain.

Good times. Good times.

These are the kinds of things my family talks about

Bri just asked me if we can switch from butter to margarine because her health teacher told her it was healthier. Maybe I’ll buy Bri her very own special tub of healthy margarine.

Lizzy: “Do you know what I like about restaurants? You don’t have to clear your dishes. You just leave them on the table. It’s awesome!”

Jake, as we pull into a French and Italian Pastry and Cake store: “Dairy Freeze is across the street.” Clearly, this child does not understand the difference between good food and fake ice cream.

My husband: If William were a dog what kind would he be?
Answer: Doberman pincher

Lizzy referring to a microscopic wound: “Blood is squirting out of it!”

Jacob taunting a 3 year old on a playground: “I know Tae Kwan Do.” He’s been taking it for two months.

After Will dumped out half the salt shaker on the table, Lizzy said, “It’s not funny Jacob.” Jacob and I both beg to differ.

Me: “Jacob, why are you wearing your suit jacket?”

Jacob: “Because I want to be Darth Vader.”

Five minutes later,

Me: “Jacob.” No response. “Darth Vader.”

Jacob: “What?”

Me: “Lizzy have you brushed your pancakes?” The worst part of it, I didn’t even notice until Lizzy started laughing at me.

Lizzy: “Jacob, why am I holding the door? Aren’t you supposed to be the gentleman?”

Genetics or Yet Another Reason to Blame my Husband

We are visiting my husband's grandma in Idaho. Jake and Lizzy showed her their Tae Kwan Do forms. Then, of course, Jake started discussing ways to kill and maim stangers who would hypothetically try to kidnap him. My husband's feisty 91 year old grandma taught them another couple of ways to injure attackers. No one better mess with my kids because their great-grandma just taught them the best way to poke someone's eyes out!

Jake's current "obsession" with stranger danger I blame on my sister and her husband who we just visited in Idaho Falls. Monday night they dicussed safety with their children before they went back to school. And although, I told them that statistically speaking most children are kidnapped by family members rather than stangers; they still felt the need to talk to their children about safety. Obviously, the message resounded with my children too.

I guess my sister isn't worried about me kidnapping her children because I even found out their "safety code word." My family doesn't even have a code word.

I'm getting a little tired of all my sisters being better mothers than me!

Wading in Green Water

My brother JD went wading in Utah Lake with us. I really kind of liked it. Once you overlook the fact that the water is green with algae and has a little odor it's really kind of pleasant. I like mud, the water is warm and you can wade out quite far before it gets deep. It's almost perfect.

We talked about setting up a spa with algae treatments and mud baths. I'd make everyone I am related to come. So, it would be profitable.

Yet, another reason my sisters are better mothers than me

They never run out of milk. One of my three sisters had TWELVE, yes 12 gallons of milk in her fridge last week! I know she had 12 gallons because I counted them. Excuding stores, I have never seen that many gallons of milk in one fridge before.

I don't even make my kids drink milk.

But all of us have been drinking more milk than usual this vacation. Well, all of us except my husband.

For a Full-On Driving Experience . . .

When we traded in our car rental for a larger van it came with a few upgrades -- such as a built-in DVD player; a few quirks -- such as having only one automatic door that worked; and one unwanted "perk?". We had just picked the van up and driven to my sister's house when my husband looked down between the two front seats and asked me, "Is that your razor blade?" Although, I routinely carry razor blades around with me in case I get mugged, this particular one covered with powder did not happen to be mine.

Fantastic! We have a car in which I do not want the kids to smell the upholstery for fear of getting high. We debated over calling the police. But I didn't want our transportation to be inpounded while we were interrogated for drug running. We settled on calling the rental company -- who simply told us to throw the razor blade away.

The other item we found in the van was a coloring book.

Drugs, coloring book -- interesting dichotomy. I guess you need something to keep the kids occupied while you are busy in the front seat!

Delta is pronounced Delda

We visited one of my in-laws in the middle of nowhere Utah. We went out to Topaz mountain to hike around. While we were there Lizzy found the jaw of a fox, then another bone. She decided to start a bone collection. All was well until Jake shouted that he had found the "skull and butt" of a rabbit. Then they started fighting over who should keep the bones! Jake resolved the argument by suggesting that Lizzy had the fox bone collection and he had the rabbit bone collection. I was naturally thrilled they were developing an interest in science.

Then Bri found the bones still in the process of decomposing. I put my foot down over having a slimy bone collection.

Other people find trilobites or topaz when they go to the Topaz Mountains. Why do we go home with rabbit butts?

Do you like your cookie?

My husband gave Will a cookie the other night and decided to bug him by making him talk. He asked, "Is it good?" Silence. "Is it yummy?"

"It is fantastic." Will finally responded.

FANTASTIC!? I didn't even know he knew that word!

I have no inner teenage boy to channel

My sister-in-law loves Wii’s Rock Band. She says she says she’s a teenage boy at heart. I clearly am missing that boy. A few weeks ago, I went over to a friend’s house to pick up Bri. They were playing Rock Band. I tried easy bass. It didn’t go very well. After a couple of tries they suggested I try the drums because that was easier. I tried it. Even with someone else playing the peddle it went just about as well as the guitar. Then I tried singing. Again I caused us to lose even though I was brought back to life twice. I see the appeal of the game. I’ll probably even buy it once my kids get on the ball and buy the Wii. But I don’t suppose I’ll ever be good enough to get through a song.

Post Script:

I played it again on Thursday and I got through an entire song! Yes, it lasted long enough that my hand started to hurt and I wanted it to end.

Thanksgiving Point

On Tuesday, we went to Thanksgiving Point with my sister Jane and her kids. We went to the Children's Discovery Garden and the main Gardens. The garden was spectacular! It's like an oasis in the middle of a desert.

My kids loved the discovery garden because they like to touch things and go through mazes. It has a little lighthouse that the kids can climb up. While the kids waited in the slowly moving line for their turn, Will explored. First he cut to the head of the line in the lighthouse. He decided that he wasn't impressed and left. He found a shady spot of grass and sat down by a random guy.

The guy looked over at Will because he sat down quite close. Then Will put his arm and head on the guy's arm. My sister walked over to keep an eye on Will while my niece Danielle and I started laughing. After Will touched him a couple times the guy started started making human beat box sounds. Will was really interested and touched his face a couple of times to see how he was doing it. Then Will asked for the ABCs song. So, he sang that a couple of times. Then Will wanted the beat box again. All this time Danielle and I were laughing hysterically. But Will was delighted!

Then we decided to see the waterfall. Will didn't want to go to the top so Danielle "watched" him roll down the hill a couple of times and jump in the pond.

It's interesting to watch Will break all the social rules. He finds simple things enjoyable. Things such as swinging or having Charlie and Danielle read the Cat in the Hat Comes Back about a billion times. I feel that Will's an ambassador for autistic kids. Actually I'm kidding. I just can't figure out a way to wrap him in a gigantic plastic bubble where he won't bother anyone and still be part of the world. I think that most people will be kind if they think about it and the others . . . . well, they need to learn.

Dance, Dance Revolution

A bunch of my nieces and nephews (and brother and sister and brother-in-law) were playing DDR. My sister challenged me. It was on! This was her second time and my first. I got an F. I tried again against my niece. I choose easy difficulty while she choose hard. Defeated again. Sometimes I have concerns about my coordination.

I thought about buying DDR and practicing hard for a year so I could challenge them to a rematch. No, I'm lying. I didn't. But if I did, I would be undefeatable!

Tweet, because I'm still blocked!

Will is trying to be a human beat box!

Singing with Will

Will is in absolute heaven because he has so many people he can walk up to and demand that they sing to him! Last night my mom was playing the piano and we were singing along. Will started flipping through the pages of the songbook to find the songs he wanted played.

As we sang the songs to him he would laugh delightedly and jump in his seat. Then he would run over to my mom stick his head in front of her face to check that she was in fact singing as well while she gamely continued to play. Then he ran back to his chair. We sang a lot. We sang the same songs over and over and over . . . . We sang over twenty minutes, then we were done. I don't know how long he would have wanted us to sing but I imagine quite a bit longer, possibly a week.

The Water Turn

My sister has a huge garden behind her house. They irrigate it once a week, if we are at her house my kids love to go and consider it a highlight of our vacation.

They fill up a long ditch with water and everyone grabs boogie boards, swimsuits, and prepares for a giant water fight. The kids play on a slide, try to float in small swimming pools or on boogie boards, while trying to avoid being thrown into the water or having water poured on their heads by their father or each other. I was taking pictures of the kids when my brother-in-law Charlie tossed some water at me. I, of course, pick up that gauntlet (of water) and toss it back at him. The fight was on. It was basically everyone, eight kids and me, against Charlie and he still won!

It was so much fun. They have another water turn Saturday night and I am so coming back to take Charlie down!

Deprived on so Many Levels

My children are so pet deprived that they are catching animals around our house and asking if they can keep them. The deprivation goes back years. I’m not a pet person and while I think my husband is more open to having a pet than I am, I believe that his willingness is due to the fact that he travels for work and thus is not available for pet care duty. I’ve considered getting a special needs dog for Will but after considering that he usually ignores all animal life I decided that buying one would not be the most useful thing I could do with my retirement money.

Bri had an ant farm when she was five I made her keep it outside. It lasted two hours before the ants escaped. Jake had some pet worms he kept in his pockets that I found after I did the laundry! Moving on. But the most psychologically damaging wild pet experience was caused by Bri. One day when she was about five or six she came into the house and asked for cheese for her pet mouse. “Sure,” I replied. Thinking she was very optimistic about her ability to catch a mouse. She came back in a few minutes later for something else for her mouse and mentioned it was sleeping. I felt the first twinge of concern. I walked outside. Bri was over by the swing set on the ground. I saw a bed of grass surrounded by a circle of small rocks with broken pieces of cheese scattered around. In the middle of the grass is a contorted, dead mouse! I screamed, “Did you touch it? Did you touch it?” Seriously, did I think she had levitated it to the middle of the circle? My neighbor disposed of Bri’s pet for me since I am a wimp.

So far in our new house my children have caught two frogs and made a habitat. I tell them I believe in catch and release pet ownership. A neighbor told us there is a stray cat in the area. I offered to buy cat food if the kids wanted to pretend it was their pet.

Jogging = Masochism

My sister jogs every morning. I went with her on a bicycle. It was very easy until we got to the hills. Then, not so easy but I still beat her home.

The Essence of Autism If It was Bottled in a Jar

William was swinging by himself in my sister's backyard. My sister's dog was watching us hopefully through the glass window eager to play.

My sister blocked me!

Because all my sisters are better mothers than me, I am blocked from twitter and watching anything fun on the internet. This does put a cramp in my internet viewage.

Pretend this is a Tweet: after Jacob cleaned a room I overheard him say, "The room looks wonderful! But not the best."

When I tried to get on twitter and couldn't it reminded me that a couple of years ago my nephew David liked the same song I did. He excitedly told his mother that I like the same group he did, expecting that now she would let him listen to it. I tried to tell him it wouldn't make a difference and it didn't.

I really am the black sheep of my family and not just because I'm the only Democrat!

I barely made it

Wednesday my day started out kind of ominously. We got loaded in the van with 10 minutes to get to Logan Express. Fortunately, it was 5:50 am and we hit all the green lights. We got to the Logan Express only to see the bus start to pull out. I excitedly tell B. to drive over by Kohl's because the bus stops there before it heads to Boston. We pull in the parking lot by a guy with a suitcase. But the bus stop is across the lot. So, we run across the lot with all our luggage. It was great!

We get to Logan in plenty of time for our delayed flight. We fly to LaGuardia and get off the plane only to find out that our connecting flight to Dallas has been canceled. I try to work it out with two agents at the counter but they tell me I have to go out to ticketing to get it fixed. I stand in a huge line with my three kids thinking, "well, this sucks." After about 10 minutes I realize I'm in the wrong line. So, I dragged my three kids to another enormous line. After a few minutes in that line I ponder over my lack of status with this airline, that I'm flying on frequent flier miles and that there are about a bajillion people in line in front of me. I realize that there will be no flight for me today. So, I called my husband.

I had to call three times before he picked up because it was before 6:00am in California (sorry!). I told him my situation and asked him to call and fix this for me. He called me back five minutes later. I was confirmed on the 2:25 flight to Dallas and from there to SLC. I didn't have to wait in the enormous line anymore. And since I had already checked my luggage I didn't have to wait in the other enormous check in line either. I wanted to kiss my husband full on the lips!

We went through security for the second time and a security guy who was watching Will asked me, "Is he going to pose a problem." What kind of question is that? What an I suppose to say, "Yeah, he's a gun runner and is fully armed." Or "He just got back from a terrorist training summer camp!"

I don't like New York airports. They're big and dirty and have tons of people with New York attitudes. But I found a wonderful spot -- it had an outlet! I plugged in my portable DVD player and prepared to wait for four hours. Then I look over, the guy who asked me the question about Will is sitting close by! Is he stalking me?

I decided that rather than be a good mother I would try to make this wait as pleasant as I could for Will. I let him eat an entire bag of chips and then I sent Jake down the hallway in search of water. I stood in the hallway between both Jake and Will and tried to keep an eye on both because I could not lose that outlet. Who knows what kind of commotion would ensue if I couldn't drug Will with junk food and previews.

We finally get on the next plane and I hear the woman in front of me mention she was also on the canceled flight and she paid extra to get her seat. (Thank you, Honey!) I had Lizzy sit across the row from us. The two men sitting by might not have been thrilled about sitting next to a whiny, up since 5:30am, stuck in an airport for four hours six year old. But it could have been much, much worst for them!

We didn't have seats assigned for the next flight. I tried to fix that in New York, and again in Dallas when we landed but couldn't. I told them Jake could sit by himself, even Lizzy though I wasn't thrilled about that. But Will had to sit by me. They boarded the plane then begged people to give up their seats. Finally they called our names. Jake was across the aisle and one seat back. He sat by the nicest woman. He told her all about our family including Bri and her dad. I gave him a notebook and suggested he draw. He started going through the sky Mall catalogue and telling her about every idem that interested him. I look at her and mouth an apology. She looks back at me her eyes brimming with laugher and says, "It's alright." I suggested he ask her what she was interested in. He asked her if she liked a certain item in the catalogue. I'm not sure what he talked to her about or how her talked to her because after a certain point I just had to pretend it wasn't happening. We finally land and drag ourselves over to collect our luggage. I wait outside for a shuttle bus to take us to the car rentals before I realize the airport just isn't that big. So, we got to my sister's house a quarter after nine about four hours late.

Anticipating a Migraine

I am flying to Utah for a vacation with Jake, Lizzy and William. Because we are using my husband’s frequent flyer miles our flights leave something to be desired! We fly to New York, then Dallas, then Salt Lake City. I am a little concerned about William screaming and causing us to be kicked of a plane. So, I wrote him a social story encouraging him not to scream or pinch me. We’ll see what happens. I plan on drugging him with chips, marshmallow and books on tape.

In honor of flying I am posting something I wrote before I started this blog. I’ll just assume that this doesn’t come back to haunt me, AKA being selected for extra screening.

Last Wednesday, I flew to Utah and guess who got selected for extra screening? Yes, that’s right. You can all feel safer now you know that I received extra screening! As I waited in the special line right behind a devout Jewish family with three young children (clearly terrorists as well) I thought well at least I don’t have William with me that would have even been more suspicious. You know middle aged mother of four going to her grandmother’s funeral -- clearly a terrorist. I may as well have been flying to an Al-Qaeda training camp. I watched them check my suitcase, my purse, my coat . . . and I only had one thought. If you can’t find the tampons in the “secret,” hidden zippered pocket in my purse maybe I’ll hide the box cutter there the next time instead of swallowing it. I didn’t mention my view that extra screening is useless, nor did I mention that planes aren’t any safer now because I didn’t want to be strip searched.

Anyone who is religious (or not) may want to consider praying for me.

Conversation with my Dad

Dad: I’ll see you in a couple of days.

Me: Maybe.

Dad: What? You aren’t going to see me?

Me: No, I may not survive the plane ride.

Dad: Well, if I send $10 will you take out a life insurance policy and make me the beneficiary.

Me: Sure.

Dad: Because if you’re going to die anyway I could use the money.

Boys are Gross!

I asked Lizzy if she wanted to play with Jake and his friend Dave or go somewhere with me. She said wasn’t sure because they talk about "throw up and gross things like that."

My Mosaic

To Make Your Own, Answer the Following Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What did you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name?

1. Then type your answer to each of the questions into Flickr Search.
2. Use only the first page of results, and pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers (3 columns 4 rows).

Email me your Mosaic: lifeasthemotherof4@gmail.com

Garage Sales are not my Forte

Marcy had a garage sale Saturday so we took some stuff over. I’m not good at garage sales with either the pricing or bargaining. My husband gets upset with me so I don’t offer prices very often. My usual strategy is to start at $1. If they hesitate I say 50 cents then move straight on to free. Sometimes I get to free within less than a minute.

My kids (who are saving up for a Wii) sold lemonade and brownies. They sold quite a bit and would have come out ahead except they bought a lot of Marcy’s toys. They ended up about $3.00 in the hole. They managed to replace some of the stuff I got rid of, thus managing to negate the reason to have a yard sale. And I got a sunburn.

Book Review

What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception

Basic premise: I'm a good guy who was completely deceived by the Bush administration and it's Clinton's fault anyway.

Very selective about what he includes. I was tremendously disappointed not to read anything about the Bush takeover of the White House. Remember when Bush's team said that the Democrats had trashed the White House and had removed all the "W"s from the keyboards? The FBI investigated and found nothing to support that lie. He didn't cover that at all. Go figure. Maybe because he would have had to take some personal responsibility for lying.

McClellan also talked about Bush's past cocaine use. But that came out before he was elected.

I stopped reading this book about 50 or so pages in, so it wasn't great. Maybe it gets better later on I'm not sure. Scott McClellan didn't impress me. I was excited to read this book because I thought it might involve some self reflection. Let me know if it does later on.

Thus Sayth My Husband

Bush when asked to give three words to describe his presidential diplomacy said, "strategery, unificate and nuculer."

I add: If all else fails, invade a country.

My New BFF

On Thursday, I made myself a sandwich, found a couple of books and headed up to Woburn. I had Jury Duty. The first thing I did when I got the letter was to look up when I last had Jury Duty. Unfortunately, it was three months past two years so I decided to just get it over with. I had learned from my last experience and left my weapon, AKA a cross stitch needle at home. I know. I know. I should know better but I never really do!

I went in the room and was given a number -- 11. I didn’t know enough then to be concerned. Of course I made it on the Jury. It was interesting. The guy was definitely guilty of being a drunk, pompous jerk. The police were definitely right not to allow him to drive home but we decided he was not guilty of resisting arrest; although, it was close -- he met 3 out of the 4 criteria; and not guilty of disorderly conduct.

After it was all over I went downstairs to the bathroom. Naturally, I met the guy walking down the stairs with his lawyer. He said, “Thank you,” and something else. I said something noncommittal in response thinking all the time, “Can I lecture him? Is he obligated to listen to me since we let him go?” On the way back up the stairs I RAN INTO HIM AGAIN! He said, “Thank you,” again and that we “had renewed his faith in the legal system.” I thought, “Can I lecture him? I really want to tell him we didn’t believe a lot of his testimony and that it is really, really stupid to yell obscenities at cops over and over and over again! It is also very stupid to tell them to go to college and that they don’t know what they’re doing!” Then I could follow up with, “I am glad the police stopped you from driving home drunk.”

The guy wants to chat with me. I don’t want anyone at that court to think I know him! I might as well walk up to the bailiff and say, Mike, you know that guy I just voted not guilty? Yeah, he’s really my BFF.” Response: “Oh, really Miss? Well, please come with me.” I start slowing down so I’m walking behind the guy.

We walk out in the parking lot and he’s still trying to talk to me! I guess he thought that we were on his side. I admit that I felt sorry for him that he’d been sprayed twice in the face but by no means was I impressed with him. I really have no desire to have a conversation with the guy unless I get to lecture him! Fortunately, he got called back into the Courthouse to collect his bail money and I fled to my car.

Overheard on the way home from Tae Kwan Do

Dave: OMG

Jake: Excuse me; my mom doesn’t want us to say that.

Dave: Why not?

Jake: Just like your mom doesn’t like you to say crap.

Dave: ok.

Jake: does your mom let you say . . . .

And he starts spelling out swear words.