Easter Sunday (Subtitled: Another reason to be sad that you don’t sit behind us at church)

During the sacrament Will crumpled a piece a paper.  He handed it to me with the instruction, “Trash.”  I took the paper from him and put it on the other side of me planning on throwing it away after the meeting.  Will reached around me grabbed the paper, stood up, walked down the aisle, bumped two deacons out his way and ran out of the chapel.  Since I knew where he was going I stayed in my seat.  Two minutes later he returned, bumped the same two deacons out his way made his way back to the pew and sat down beside me.

Later in the meeting, during a beautiful musical number,Will leaned over my lap and started chanting, "I'm cursed, I'm cursed!"  The people in the pew behind us started giggling.  I put my fingers over Will's mouth and tried to shush him.  He just peeled them off and started saying it again.  I looked down at the rest of my family.  Their shoulders were convulsing with laugher which was tremendously helpful because then Will realized he was sooo funny!

Well played Autism, well played!

A Daddy Daughter Date

My husband went to his friend’s surprise birthday party Friday night.  Sadly the party wasn’t until Saturday night.*   So, I assume it is still a surprise that my husband showed up.  But there they (Lizzy was his plus 1) were -- at a bowling alley with a disappointed Lizzy.  Needless to say, being who they are and with Lizzy’s first choice of activities unavailable.  (Naturally that would be going to a garage sale because, and I quote, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”  And “I like garage sales because I can afford to buy stuff there.”) They went with the second choice of going to a Dollar Store as that is also an affordable option for Lizzy and she can usually get her dad to buy her anything she wants. (Why yes, we are big spenders.  How did you know?)  Lizzy bought me a present of two orange hot pads because she’s thoughtful.  It also continues our tradition of Lizzy picking out presents for me which I then proceed to pay for.  Then they picked up Thai food for dinner.

Lizzy told me that she found to coolest thing at the Dollar Store.  “Mom, they had a dust pan.  And not just any dust pan!**  It was a dust pan with a pole so you don’t have to bend over to sweep it up.”

The following night they returned to the bowling alley where Lizzy proceeded to wipe the floor with everyone in the group.  Here in Massachusetts we play a curious type of bowling called candlepin.  I have no understanding of the rules, why it has rubber pads on either side instead of gutters or why the balls are significantly smaller than the bowling balls you see on TV.  The one time I went bowling here I simply helped Will roll the ball and cursed autism for the difficulty involved.***   My husband reported that Lizzy rolled the only strike he saw the whole night and she rolled many spares.  I am happy to see a future for Lizzy in the Non-Existent Professional Candlepin Bowling League (N-EPCBL) as her lack of interest in reading and learning basic math facts may hinder her ability to do something professionally that requires either addition or an interest in reading.

(* I’m not sure if that was my fault as I might have told him it was on Friday or if it was his fault after all I forwarded him the evite.)

(** I promise I am telling the truth!  She actually said “And not just any dustpan!”  I seriously considered buying her the dust pan just because she said that!  And yes, she's ten ... just unique.)

(***Positive update:  Will has gone bowling a couple times since then, naturally I paid someone else to take him because the first time was sooo much fun, and it is reported**** that he participates and likes it.)

(**** That could be a lie … but I doubt it.)

Taking some personal days (Let’s just pretend I posted this in March when I actually wrote it)

One of the hardest things about being a stay at home mother besides the dismal pay and the things you have to clean up is the lack of sick and personal days.  Well, I stuck it to THE MAN*  last week!  I took some personal days in spite of him.  The lack of complaining from THE MAN and the suggestion of leaving for two extra days could have made my act of “sticking it to THE MAN” less satisfying but somehow it wasn’t.  (Ha! Take that THE MAN!  I still win!)

I went to visit my family in Utah sans kids.  Heaven, I tell you.  Although strangely enough I missed THE MAN and texted him so perhaps I am a glutton for punishment.

It was a very different vacation than I am used to for example:  1.  I was not pinched once while on an airplane.  2.  No one asked me to repeat their words back to them over and over again.  3.  I didn’t write one social story the whole time I was gone.  4.  I didn’t take anyone else to the bathroom … ever.

And I did adult things.  I went out to eat with my siblings and their spouses and we went to a play.

(*THE MAN in this case being my husband.)

Teasing Cheryl because I’m a little bit evil

I brought the bottled water for our PAC event.  Since it was out the kids asked if they could have a bottle.  I said, “No, Cheryl will get mad at me if you drink any.”  She wouldn’t but I said it anyway.

When I arrived with the water I told Cheryl what I had done.  She drew in a horrified breath and stated, “You give those kids bottled water if they want bottled water.” 

And then I laughed …. an evil laugh. (Because I’m a little bit evil or maybe I laughed because I have figured out how to tease Cheryl.)

Getting Old Sucks

Apparently I have entered the non-stop injury portion of my life.  I barely stopped going to PT for my sport’s injury (because I’m such an athlete) quadricep tendonitis when I mysteriously injured my back in the middle of the day.  By the end of the day I could barely move without pain.  I called Lizzy into my room that night.  “Help me put on my pants.”  I asked her.

“Wa?”  Lizzy looked at me in confusion but gamely helped me when she realized I was serious.  The next morning I still felt bad but not as bad as the night before so I quickly took a shower.  I didn’t want to be in a position of asking my ten year old to help me put in my underwear!

I think that thtudnwytb has missed me

The reason I think thtudnwytb has missed me is that the renters called on Sunday night and said "We’re moving out."  Sadly the lady lost her job and was moving in with her mother in Brooklyn. So, as the best part of our President’s Day holiday we visited thtudnwytb.

It was just like coming home.  Coming home to a pool table, several TVs, a computer, tools, a washer and dryer and about five sewing machines (she worked as an upholster).  We are going to give them a couple more days to pick up their stuff before we decide to leave it in the house as a housewarming gift for the new tenants.

Things I will miss about the old tenants:

1.  Never needing to go over to the house. 

2.  Depositing the rent in cash every month and feeling like a drug dealer.

3.  Sleeping (now I will spend my nights hyperventilating until we find new tenants)

So, as a special treat for the children we went over to the house to clean!  I was concerned that Will would see the house and refuse to get out of the car but it has been so long that he entered the house without protest.  And better yet … he stayed inside!  There was no running down the street to get away from thtudnwmtb.  I was happy about that.

The children were so delighted to help clean and did such a great job that I threatened to leave Jacob and Lizzy at the house until they actually did something.  It was so fun that we went back today and spent another couple of hours.  But I am mostly done -- except for removal of the stuff they left and I’m going to repaint the basement floor.

Admit it … you missed thtudnwytb too!

I picked a good week to miss church

… Or so my husband informed me when I returned home.  The ward choir was making its way up to stand when Will stood up to go with them.  Now it’s not entirely unreasonable for Will to go up with them because I’ve had him sit by me during choir practice.  Since Will LOVES music, I thought maybe he’d like singing with the choir.  And I thought maybe if we started now in a few years he might be interested in actually singing along with a group, using the actual lyrics.  Since currently during choir practice he mostly practices pinching (he’s awesome at that) and asks if he can leave.  

Once, however, he sang along with the Ohhs – though not in tune despite his usually perfect pitch. 

Will never has willing gone up to the stand to sing with a group even though the primary children usually sing several times a year.  So I imagine my husband was surprised and well as concerned when Will stood up and tried to scoot past him.  My husband grabbed Will and held on.  Will finally sat back down.  … Then went the other way … over the family sitting next to us on the pew.  (No children were injured during his escape although some adults were squished.)

My husband followed Will up to the stand, the choir director looked at Will but bravely started.  My husband figured that Will probably just wanted to see the page number of the song they were going to sing and then would be willing to return to his seat but Will walked past the piano to the hymn number board.  There was a gap and the numbers needed to be moved up.  Will fixed it doubtless to the great relief of the congregation.

Later during singing time the children played a Wheel of Fortune game.  Will asked for a capital A.