Being Bullied as a 41 year old

At first I loved going to physical therapy.  I’d lie down on a table and have my knee massaged and ultrasounded (just pretend that word actually exists).  Then things slowly started to change.  At first it was a “just try this exercise” or “ride the exercise bike for 3 minutes on 0 resistance.”  I made excuses for Deb.  “She’s pregnant.”  “She’s probably tired.”  “Give her time,” I thought. 

But slowly it got worse.  I found it much hard to excuse the bridges she wanted me to do.  30!  20 of them with crossed legs!  Last week she asked me to do step-ups!  Step-ups, you might remember, is what caused my quadriceps tendonitis in the first place!  Did she care about me at all?

Finally I’d had enough!  “You’re a bully!”  I stated.

Surprised, she looked at me.  (Probably trying to gaslight me into thinking she’d never heard that before.)  “Are bullies positive and affirming?”  She asked.

“Ok,” I conceded.  “You’re a nice bully.”

She’s probably going to miss me a lot when I stop going to PT.

My daughter has a genetic pre-disposition to being a Chemistry Nerd

After seeing Brianne's grades in algebra II, I have declared that she is no longer a math nerd.  At this time I will submit that she is a Chemistry Nerd because her highest mid-term was in chemistry.  Not being a chemistry nerd (well I can't say that with authority because I never took chemistry ... however, I am still pretty darn sure it's true.).  But she is also a music nerd and as such she hooked me up with The Piano Guys who I will admit are pretty awesome even for none-music nerds such as myself.  So do yourself a favor and check them out!

O Fortuna (because I adore Carmina Burana!!!)

And Star Cello Wars because it's awesome too!

You've probably already seen one of their videos but if you haven't check them out here.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha

If there is one person in my family who loves mid-century modern furniture it would be me.  My grandma had a lovely dining room, living room set that ended up at my parents house and has now, naturally been distributed around the family.  It's like a little mid-century modern fairy has visited my family -- leaving a desk here, a dining room table and chairs AND hutch there.  ... Yet that mid-century modern fairy has not visited me.  (In all honesty, I will concede that it might have if I didn't live in Boston some mere 2,500 miles away from the current location of the furniture the fairy might have visited me.)  However, the mid-century modern fairy (AKA my mom) has agreed to give me the end tables and coffee table and I am currently making plans to swipe this dining room set from my sister while I am staying with her.  The coffee and end table are the only reason I am contemplating a 2,500 mile drive because I am not sure an airline would consider an end table carry on despite the fact that I have enough children to allow me to bring the whole set.  So unreasonable!

And I have gotten a verbal contract from my sister that if she ever gets rid of the dinning set she will give it to me.  I am planning on firming that up with a written contract as soon as I put myself through law school.

Stuff My Kids Say

“Lizzy, you’re wonderful!”

“I know.”

…

After changing the bandage on Bri’s back, I said, “Brianne, I’m like a nurse.”

“No, you’re not.”

…

“Jacob, go clean the toilet.”

“That’s not on my job list.”

…

“One fish, two fish.”

“Move please.”

“All done.”

Stealing a Defective Pen

*Disclaimer:  I realize that this post won’t make you want to be my best friend but I’m posting it anyway because anything worth having (in this case my friendship) is hard (in this case hard = the fear that I’m going to steal a pen from you … because I might!)

I purposely steal a pen from my son’s dentist’s office every time I bring him.  I steal one from the jar of pens on the counter.  I take it because they don’t take my perfectly good Blue Cross Insurance from California.  They only take Blue Cross from Massachusetts because it must be better.  So, I pay extra out of pocket.  We’ll just call that the autism premium.

Every time I steal a pen I am pathetically attempting to punch The Man (in this case he is more often referred to as a dentist … or a woman).  Because The Man cares if I steal a pen because He counts them and one of these days He’ll need one of the pens that I‘ve stolen at a rate of two per year and IT WON’T BE THERE!  AND HE WILL CRY … A LOT!

And IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!! (Or at least if would if I could see it.  But I won’t be there so I will just imagine it in my head.)

Perhaps the dentist realized through the strategic placement of hidden cameras that I steal a pen every time I bring Will in.  Perhaps that defective pen was intentionally placed!   Perhaps The Man is retaliating?  If so … well played sir.  And I will have to switch up my game.  Perhaps TWO pens next time.  I guess I’ll find out in six months.

Oh, the anticipation!  

Another Awkward Conversation I had with Myself

This morning as I was listening to the radio on the way home from dropping Will off at school I listened to a NPR segment on Martin Luther King Jr. and thought wouldn’t that be fantastic to meet him!

But what would I say?  Because surely it wouldn’t be awkward at all to have some random white woman come up to you and say something about how wonderful you are, what a difference you made in the world, that her kids love you and eventually you’ll have a national holiday but only after you are murdered.  I’d imagine different emotions showing on his face starting with creeper and ending with how sad to have a mental illness.

I decided that I couldn’t have a conversation with him at all because I’d either wreak the space time continuum or freak him out so much that he’d run away from me.

So, I finally decided that it would be best if I’d just shook his hand and tried to keep my mouth shut.

….

Please tell me that other people have these kinds of conversations with themselves.

Bose should pretty much just hire me

Since Bose’s SoundLink was my idea in the first place. A couple of years ago I asked my friend who works at Bose (He’s technically my husband’s third or fourth cousin but they didn’t know each other existed until we both moved three quarters the across the country and ended up in the same town. Crazy right? Wait … it gets crazier because there is another guy who moved here years ago who also is a distant cousin – seventh- and ended up in the same town as well! … hum, perhaps I should take credit for that as well.) 

Anyway, I asked my third or fourth cousin-in-law Clark if Bose made any kind of speaker I could hook up Will’s iPad too because I was worried about Will going deaf or something. Bose didn’t.

 Flash forward to a couple months ago. Clark gives us a beautifully wrapped present. It’s a SoundLink. He said that he’d worked on it for a year.

“Bose, You’re welcome.”

I’m not going to confirm my question being the genesis of the speaker because I’m sure of it in my head.