My daughter has a genetic pre-disposition to being a Chemistry Nerd

After seeing Brianne's grades in algebra II, I have declared that she is no longer a math nerd.  At this time I will submit that she is a Chemistry Nerd because her highest mid-term was in chemistry.  Not being a chemistry nerd (well I can't say that with authority because I never took chemistry ... however, I am still pretty darn sure it's true.).  But she is also a music nerd and as such she hooked me up with The Piano Guys who I will admit are pretty awesome even for none-music nerds such as myself.  So do yourself a favor and check them out!

O Fortuna (because I adore Carmina Burana!!!)

And Star Cello Wars because it's awesome too!

You've probably already seen one of their videos but if you haven't check them out here.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha

If there is one person in my family who loves mid-century modern furniture it would be me.  My grandma had a lovely dining room, living room set that ended up at my parents house and has now, naturally been distributed around the family.  It's like a little mid-century modern fairy has visited my family -- leaving a desk here, a dining room table and chairs AND hutch there.  ... Yet that mid-century modern fairy has not visited me.  (In all honesty, I will concede that it might have if I didn't live in Boston some mere 2,500 miles away from the current location of the furniture the fairy might have visited me.)  However, the mid-century modern fairy (AKA my mom) has agreed to give me the end tables and coffee table and I am currently making plans to swipe this dining room set from my sister while I am staying with her.  The coffee and end table are the only reason I am contemplating a 2,500 mile drive because I am not sure an airline would consider an end table carry on despite the fact that I have enough children to allow me to bring the whole set.  So unreasonable!

And I have gotten a verbal contract from my sister that if she ever gets rid of the dinning set she will give it to me.  I am planning on firming that up with a written contract as soon as I put myself through law school.

Stuff My Kids Say

“Lizzy, you’re wonderful!”

“I know.”

…

After changing the bandage on Bri’s back, I said, “Brianne, I’m like a nurse.”

“No, you’re not.”

…

“Jacob, go clean the toilet.”

“That’s not on my job list.”

…

“One fish, two fish.”

“Move please.”

“All done.”

Stealing a Defective Pen

*Disclaimer:  I realize that this post won’t make you want to be my best friend but I’m posting it anyway because anything worth having (in this case my friendship) is hard (in this case hard = the fear that I’m going to steal a pen from you … because I might!)

I purposely steal a pen from my son’s dentist’s office every time I bring him.  I steal one from the jar of pens on the counter.  I take it because they don’t take my perfectly good Blue Cross Insurance from California.  They only take Blue Cross from Massachusetts because it must be better.  So, I pay extra out of pocket.  We’ll just call that the autism premium.

Every time I steal a pen I am pathetically attempting to punch The Man (in this case he is more often referred to as a dentist … or a woman).  Because The Man cares if I steal a pen because He counts them and one of these days He’ll need one of the pens that I‘ve stolen at a rate of two per year and IT WON’T BE THERE!  AND HE WILL CRY … A LOT!

And IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!! (Or at least if would if I could see it.  But I won’t be there so I will just imagine it in my head.)

Perhaps the dentist realized through the strategic placement of hidden cameras that I steal a pen every time I bring Will in.  Perhaps that defective pen was intentionally placed!   Perhaps The Man is retaliating?  If so … well played sir.  And I will have to switch up my game.  Perhaps TWO pens next time.  I guess I’ll find out in six months.

Oh, the anticipation!  

Another Awkward Conversation I had with Myself

This morning as I was listening to the radio on the way home from dropping Will off at school I listened to a NPR segment on Martin Luther King Jr. and thought wouldn’t that be fantastic to meet him!

But what would I say?  Because surely it wouldn’t be awkward at all to have some random white woman come up to you and say something about how wonderful you are, what a difference you made in the world, that her kids love you and eventually you’ll have a national holiday but only after you are murdered.  I’d imagine different emotions showing on his face starting with creeper and ending with how sad to have a mental illness.

I decided that I couldn’t have a conversation with him at all because I’d either wreak the space time continuum or freak him out so much that he’d run away from me.

So, I finally decided that it would be best if I’d just shook his hand and tried to keep my mouth shut.

….

Please tell me that other people have these kinds of conversations with themselves.

Bose should pretty much just hire me

Since Bose’s SoundLink was my idea in the first place. A couple of years ago I asked my friend who works at Bose (He’s technically my husband’s third or fourth cousin but they didn’t know each other existed until we both moved three quarters the across the country and ended up in the same town. Crazy right? Wait … it gets crazier because there is another guy who moved here years ago who also is a distant cousin – seventh- and ended up in the same town as well! … hum, perhaps I should take credit for that as well.) 

Anyway, I asked my third or fourth cousin-in-law Clark if Bose made any kind of speaker I could hook up Will’s iPad too because I was worried about Will going deaf or something. Bose didn’t.

 Flash forward to a couple months ago. Clark gives us a beautifully wrapped present. It’s a SoundLink. He said that he’d worked on it for a year.

“Bose, You’re welcome.”

I’m not going to confirm my question being the genesis of the speaker because I’m sure of it in my head.

Here's a little bit of awesome!

Knives

Several years ago I sat down and wrote out an email to send to Oneida to ask them to buy some more spoons and knives but I never figured out the style of silverware I have because I only keep boxes of things that I don’t and won’t need or boxes of things that broke several years ago.

Dear Oneida Customer Service Representatives,

I bought two sets of silverware. I planned on using them until I died at which point I thought I would probably will them to the favorite of my four children. However, one of my children is severely autistic with a penchant for throwing dishes, and other assorted items in the garbage. Unfortunately, I am a slow learner and as a result I have many forks and salad forks, a reasonable amount of knives, a few spoons and enough soup spoons. Why William decided that spoons are the least needed utensil I might never know. But I disagree with him. And as I am not willing to switch to a utilitarian spork (at least not yet) I am left with a quandary and spoon shortage.

I know that you do not usually sell spoons separately in this set but I hope that you will make an exception in the case of “an autistic child who throws away spoons” and allow me to buy some separately. I assure you, if you will allow me an exception, I will attempt to curtail William’s attempts to single-handedly fill up our town’s landfill with spoons! And needless to say I will will the silverware to a child who will not throw them away.

Sincerely and hopefully,

Mother of 4

Sadly since I was never able to figure out what style of silverware I own I was never able to send this email. And even more sadly William started throwing away more knives; culminating with our fantastic Thanksgiving dinner with 13 people and only seven knives. (Sharing is good right?)

After that my lack of knives became a source of amusement to my friends. Cheryl was delighted to add “lacking in knives” to my penchant for “keeping children’s eating hours.” However, when her mother called her to say she was in Oneida and asked if she wanted any silverware Cheryl stepped up to the plate and placed an order for 12 knives for me which her mother delivered! Best part? Well, if only cost me 7 bucks. Do I know how to shop or do I know how to shop*?

*Disclaimer: I actually do not know how to shop but am acquainted with people who do know how to shop.